137: Create Balance – A Journey of Ease and Dignity with Rebecca Whitman | The Magnetic Abundance Mentor

[00:00:27] Zach White: interview. I know this is gonna be great fun.

[00:00:29] So there were a thousand places we could begin. And right before we hit record said, you know what? The point where the conversation should start is a point in your life history. Where you’re in the therapist’s office, sitting on the proverbial couch, and you get asked this question, Do you want to stay married?

[00:00:53] So Rebecca, take us to that moment. What’s going on? Why is that question being asked? And help us understand this point in your journey. 

[00:01:03] Rebecca Whitman: So I’m sitting in a therapist’s office in West L. A. And there’s bone broth boiling in the kitchen, a feng shui fountain and candles and crystals and everything. So peaceful.

[00:01:17] However, I am bickering with my then husband and it got so out of control that she’s just like, Hey, wait a minute, you guys stop fighting. She looked at me and she said, Rebecca, do you want to be married? And a voice that was not my own came through me and the voice said, I want a life of ease, grace, and spiritual dignity.

[00:01:46] And I knew at that moment. That my life had changed. I no longer wanted to do things to look good. I wanted to do things to feel good, to have a life of ease, grace, and spiritual dignity, whatever that looked like, whether that meant staying single, whether that meant having no kids, uh, whatever that looked like to me, that was just a huge turning point in my life.

[00:02:13] Soon after that, I filed for divorce. Soon after that, my dad asked me in one of our last conversations to write a book. And a few months after my dad had passed and my marriage had dissolved, I was sitting across the desk from my financial planner and he said, Rebecca, you’re having your best fiscal year ever.

[00:02:35] Although you lost your dad in your marriage. And I think you should write a book and inspire people what you did. And that is when I wrote how to make a six figure income working part time. That’s where I explained my seven pillars of abundance. And when you have these seven pillars of life and alignment, you can be, do, or have anything you want.

[00:02:54] Now I’m happily married to my soulmate. I have a coaching business where I help people go from burned out. And overwhelmed to balance, beautiful and abundant. And it all started from that moment in the 

[00:03:06] Zach White: therapist’s office. So let’s okay. The gas pedal got hit in your life after that moment. But before we unpack all that, back me up to before the therapist’s office and these words.

[00:03:20] ease, grace, and spiritual dignity. What was happening in your life before that moment that was grinding against those things? Where were you not at ease? Where, you know, dis ease in your life, or there was no grace because of x, y, and z. What was actually happening that was contrary to this way of being?

[00:03:44] That you realized in that moment, 

[00:03:47] Rebecca Whitman: well, I was wasting all my energy trying to control someone. And when you try to control someone, even if you wrestle them to the ground and you have them in a choke hold for 2 seconds, they’re still going to come back up and do what they want to do. And I was trying to make my then husband into the husband I wanted.

[00:04:09] Rather than accepting him for who he was. And I think a lot of women, they have that joke, right? Women marry men in hopes that they will change and men marry women in hopes they won’t change. And I thought that I could change someone. And I learned a very painful lesson that I get to accept people for exactly who they are and who they aren’t and just focus on myself, like stay in my own hula hoop.

[00:04:37] And it was just. Exhausting. And he wasn’t the first, I mean, I had taken many ex boyfriends to seminars, you know, giving them tapes, taking them as therapists. Like it was just an exhausting life trying to change men to be what I wanted. 

[00:04:57] Zach White: It’s an interesting pattern. And what’s funny is here, we’re talking about relationships and it’s easy to see, it shows up on men and women’s side of the coin, to be honest.

[00:05:07] But I just did a re release of a podcast from a conversation that happened a couple of years ago. And one of the central themes of this engineering leader was the need to control. The people and the environment and the results that he was getting in his career and how, in a way, just the handcuffs that puts on your life.

[00:05:34] The fact that you spend so much energy and so much time and so much stress that goes into trying to control something that cannot be controlled and the transformation he went through when he released that and the results that he got, you know, the promotions and the income and the, the happiness that came.

[00:05:50] So you have this. Epiphany moment in the therapy session, but Rebecca, what actually created the change? After that moment, how did you let go of the need to control other people or things in your environment and circumstances? How did you let that go? 

[00:06:10] Rebecca Whitman: I was in so much pain through not having this relationship, this marriage work out the way that I wanted to, that I was just like, I’ve got to let it go because It’s going to destroy me if I don’t, it’s going to break my spirit.

[00:06:25] And I didn’t want to lose my joie de vivre my zest for life. And I just decided to surrender. I call my higher power. God. If God wanted me to be alone and single, I decided this was so painful trying to control this person that I was just going to let go of my whole love life.

[00:06:47] And if I was supposed to be single and just hang out with nice high vibe, positive people, dogs, I’m a dog person, friends, like I just wanted to go where the love was because I I had just exhausted myself with fighting and bickering and just not putting myself first trying to put somebody else and what they did over how I felt about myself and also looking good.

[00:07:17] I had a real, conversation about wanting to look good and look perfect. And that’s why I think I wanted, of course, I’m a romantic, but I wanted marriage and kids and all that because that’s what I was supposed to have. But I love that your show is called The Happiness Engineer because Why do we want all that stuff?

[00:07:38] Like, why do we want marriage and kids? And why do we want other people’s approval? So we’ll be happy. And I just decided I’m just going to be happy, and whatever that looks like, I just want to be happy. I was just, I hit a bottom with, that relationship and trying to control. Everything that person perception and I never had kids and now I’m past childbearing age and it’s okay because I made that decision.

[00:08:05] I just want to be happy and whatever my path is, as long as I am healthy and happy, that’s more important than anything else.

[00:08:13] Zach White: The word surrender. I really love that. And there’s so much power in that, but it’s, it’s kind of an, it’s a theory. It’s like something we can talk about, but it’s not always so easy to do. And I’m curious if I’m an engineer who’s struggling to surrender the control. What would be your coaching for me? What would be the thing that actually gives you the strength to surrender?

[00:08:39] And what does it actually look like? Maybe if there’s any moment you remember of like, this is when I knew I’d finally surrendered was, you know, this is what changed or this is how it looked. What would you give somebody? Especially, I mean, I’ve been there where I like, I don’t want to let go of control. I mean, I’m an engineer, I’m control freak, you know, like, so what would you tell that person?

[00:08:56] How do you actually get to that point of true surrender? 

[00:09:01] Rebecca Whitman: Apathy and empathy when you are apathetic and empathetic towards someone that means you’ve let go of control. But if you’re still letting somebody. Or a job promotion, or whatever it is that you’re trying to control a project, if you’re still letting that.

[00:09:20] outcome dictate your emotions and you have not surrendered. Apathy means you don’t care anymore and empathy means like, Oh wow, I really, really want that person to get that promotion. Or I really, I really hope he does, find another partner that is better suited. So and empathy. 

[00:09:41] Zach White: I like that really simple way to self assess and reflect.

[00:09:47] Am I still holding on to control or not? Apathy plus empathy. Really good. Like formula, right? You’re of course, of course. Yeah. The April 

[00:09:59] Rebecca Whitman: surrender. There you go. All the engineers, 

[00:10:01] Zach White: Rebecca, Rebecca, there’s your next, book title, right? Apathy plus sympathy. So tell me. You know, I love how your, financial advisor even observed like, Hey, on the outside.

[00:10:11] These things are sort of crumbling in life. What most people would say are negatives, you know, you’re getting divorced. These other things are happening and yet your life is trending towards abundance in that time. And you discovered these seven pillars of abundance. Was that something that. the discovery and sort of creation or distillation of these seven pillars that you kind of sat down and created to explain what had happened?

[00:10:38] Or was it something that, like, you were living these in real time, they were showing up in your specific journey? Like, tell us about the discovery of these seven pillars. 

[00:10:48] Rebecca Whitman: I have always been into personal growth and development and I went to a seminar and they taught me how to set up my life and they gave me six pillars and then I expanded on that.

[00:11:02] And every January I would set goals in these six areas of life. And then. I expanded on that, and I learned how to set affirmations every January in these six areas of life. And then I added romance because that had always been a challenge for me. So now there are seven pillars and how I.

[00:11:21] Worked with them for years, for decades is every January. I would set goals in each of the seven pillars and I would write the goals down on three by five note cards. And when I look back, a lot of those note cards have come true. And I decided to share that framework in my book. How to make a six figure income working part time because one of the byproducts of living life in these seven areas was making a six figure income working.

[00:11:52] Zach White: So I want to go through all seven of these. So people understand how you’re aiming your energy and focus, but really quick before we do. Set the, the context of where you were in life before the book, before the goal setting and affirmations around these seven pillars versus where you’re at today. get people a sense of like how far you’ve come and how this has changed your life.

[00:12:17] So who were you before and who are you now in some of these key? Areas and the transformation you’ve come through. 

[00:12:25] Rebecca Whitman: well, the second pillar is health, you know, fitness. I was overweight. used to struggle with my weight. I didn’t have like. Consistent exercise plan. We already talked about my love life.

[00:12:39] It was a mess. I did not have a morning practice. My morning practice was having a Starbucks Frappuccino and sweet and sour candy. was wildly out of control with my emotions where I would actually like yell at people. I was just. Unhappy where I would go through bouts of depression where I would just stay in bed for like 12 to 15 hours in a row and not have the energy to get up.

[00:13:05] I was pretty much a mess. 

[00:13:08] Zach White: today there’s nothing that even comes close to saying Rebecca’s life is a total mess. I mean, it’s the exact opposite of that in so many respects. So let’s go through the pillars. What are these areas? And then as we unpack them, maybe help us understand what would a goal look like in each area or how to focus on growth and development, but what’s number one?

[00:13:28] Rebecca Whitman: So the first area is spirituality. And for me, the best goal or focus in that area is to have a morning practice. One of the wonderful things that I’m going to contribute to your audience is I’m going to give them a gift. And this is a gift that was given to me when I was a teenager, I had wandered into a 12 step meeting and I sat next to a woman named Janet and she’s like, Rebecca, this is how you work a write in a daily journal.

[00:13:57] And I was like, awesome. And she gave me some really cool journal proms. Then I added a few of my own and I have been doing this journal format now. For 30 years, every morning, whatever’s happening, good, bad, and different on vacation, not on vacation, sick, healthy, whatever. I do this practice every morning.

[00:14:19] And this journal practice has completely transformed my life from negative to positive. And I’m going to give this journal format as a gift to your audience. So that is a really important part of my morning practice journaling. meditating. I really like guided meditations. I’m a huge fan of the insight timer app because I can just sit there for a few minutes.

[00:14:42] and then, I do a daily reader depending on what your issues are. You, you can get like a daily reader for relationships for addiction or just for positivity where each day of the year you get a quick. Paragraph or two to read. There’s no one’s on stoicism. Like there’s daily readers for everything.

[00:15:00] So I read from a couple daily readers, which I rotate depending on what I’m working on. And that is my morning practice. So that’s the first pillar. 

[00:15:09] Zach White: I love that. Let me stop there one sec. Cause I think this idea of morning routines and morning practice, it shows up a lot. And one of the things I’ve seen is that people will try it.

[00:15:23] But they won’t stick with it long enough to see the actual magnitude of results and the compounding that comes. You said you’ve been doing this for 30 years. And so, Rebecca, what would you say if someone is hearing this and they’re like, Wow, this is the one thing that had such a huge impact over that time.

[00:15:42] I’ll try it. How long did it take you before you actually looked back at your life and said, My morning practice. Is the key thing that has set the stage and the foundation for all of these changes. Like I’m never going to stop. Was it 30 days later? Was it 90 days later? Was it years later? When did you actually connect the dots?

[00:16:03] Like, this is key. I’m going to keep doing it. I would say three 

[00:16:07] Rebecca Whitman: to five years. It took me that long to be like, wow, this is like the glue that’s holding my fragile psyche together. So it took me a while to figure out that that was a key component in my personal 

[00:16:20] Zach White: growth. I really appreciate that answer and that honesty.

[00:16:24] And I’ve said similar things, you know, there’s so many of these little practices that the major compounding of results doesn’t happen for a long time. And if we’re not committed, to doing it and really believing in that, it doesn’t work. And so anybody who’s skeptical, it’s just like, you know, three years of commitment to this before you saw the transformational changes.

[00:16:46] I think that’s so, so important. Okay. Thank you. Spirituality, get a morning practice in place. What’s number two? 

[00:16:54] Rebecca Whitman: Number two is fitness. So after I do my morning practice, I go to the gym. So I like working out in the morning. I do a combination of HIIT training, yoga. Tennis and walking, and I like to mix it up, and I just feel that everybody should just do something that they enjoy.

[00:17:15] If it’s excruciating, you’re probably not going to stick with it. So even if it’s just walking, listening to this awesome podcast. The happiness engineer or listening to an audible or whatever, getting a Peloton, whatever you can do that is enjoyable. It could be just doing yoga videos on YouTube, whatever that is that you can stick to just so that you move your body.

[00:17:39] I move my body, I would say not even every day, but five days a week. 

[00:17:45] Zach White: Love this and what I believe is so true and we forget, especially as engineers, Rebecca, is that a strong mind exists inside a strong body and everybody wants to point to the exceptions to that. It’s like, of course, there’s always exceptions.

[00:18:03] But the fact is. Most likely you are not an exception. And so I always tell my clients, like, stop pointing to the one person who has a disability or can’t get off the couch, but they’re brilliant and doing amazing things like, yep, I get it. It happens. But the fact is you have a chance to be healthy and fit, and it will impact the performance of your mind as well.

[00:18:26] A strong mind exists inside a strong body. So I love fitness as a key and it’s worth. Every penny and, uh, you know, investment to get help there if you need it and the time to make it happen. So, 

[00:18:38] Rebecca Whitman: I also take a lot of supplements because that helps my mind focus. I’m a brand ambassador for a liquid collagen company that you can get a discount on my bio and my link tree that Zach’s going to share, but.

[00:18:50] I really believe in supplementation and just think of your mind as a muscle. If you want to think clearly, which is a big part of engineering and you don’t exercise, your brain’s not going to have as much blood flow and it’s not going to be able to think as clearly. And, there’s supplements and things.

[00:19:06] So help with cognitive function that is the second pillar fitness. Health is wealth. the third pillar is emotions. So all emotions come from 2 base emotions, fear or love. And this is from a course of miracles, jealousy, bitterness, resentment. Anger come from fear, happiness, bliss, contentment, appreciation come from love.

[00:19:34] So the goal is to turn from the fear and anxiety channel to the love and happiness channel. a couple of ways I do that are through affirmations and a gratitude practice. those are some tools that you can use and. I’m only human. Like I get derailed all day because I think it’s our basic brain or limbic system.

[00:19:56] That’s, you know, the same in humans and reptiles to be in fear, which is fight or flight. But we have evolved past that where we can actually choose our thoughts. So the goal is when I feel the fear, doubt and worry coming in, I’m like, okay, I do not have to buy into these thoughts. How quickly can I switch to love?

[00:20:17] Zach White: Love and fear. So it’s easy for me to hear that and say, well, that’s great for relationships and, intimate partner or spouse, but doesn’t matter in my career. We’re all about facts and logic and engineering, Rebecca. This is you know, skip number three, let’s move on to the next one. If I said that, what would be your, coaching for me as an engineer?

[00:20:41] Like I had this whole fear of love business. I just, care about the data. Rebecca, what would you 

[00:20:46] Rebecca Whitman: say? I would say when you are trying to achieve a result, whether that is building something or getting a promotion at work or turning in a report, if you are doing it out of fear, what if I get something wrong?

[00:21:03] What if the boss doesn’t like that? What if, you know, somebody does a better project than me, you are not going to achieve as much as fast as if you were in coming from love of what can I teach? What can I contribute? How? How much can I enjoy this process? That’s what I would say. If the ultimate goal is your result, fear based results are not going to be as effective and powerful as love based results.

[00:21:35] Zach White: I love that. And I’ll add every engineering leader I’ve ever coached wants to see their confidence and their executive presence and their ability to influence and lead, reach that next level. And all of the energy of great leadership and confidence and courage and these aspects of career development that help us to do the hard things at the hard moments are all rooted In that love energy, not in the fear side.

[00:22:07] And so this is an area that’s worth exploring and emotional mastery is about more than, the EQ fluffy stuff that you might hear from HR. We love our HR teams, but the fact is like, there’s. hard science behind this that will help you in your career. So it’s absolutely worth it. 

[00:22:24] Rebecca Whitman: Yeah, I agree.

[00:22:25] If you want to hide behind your computer and a cubicle, you can be fear based, but if you want to be a leader and have people actually like Fall in love with your leadership and see a vision of where you’re going and where you can take them as a leader, then you want to learn how to go from fear based thinking to love based thinking.

[00:22:46] And you could even call it scarcity thinking versus abundance thinking if that’s more practical. There’s not enough money. There’s not enough time. There’s not enough energy. There’s not enough promotion to go around versus I have plenty of time to finish this project. I have plenty of energy. There’s plenty of, upward mobility in my company.

[00:23:06] There’s plenty of clients. So you could just even call it scarcity or abundance. Thank 

[00:23:11] Zach White: you. I think that’s a really powerful frame to help us understand what that inner voice, you know, what is that voice of fear? And it often sounds like scarcity. There’s not enough. This can’t work. The other voice that it often sounds like is the voice of the victim.

[00:23:27] it’s because of them blaming external things. It’s my company’s fault. My boss’s fault. The economy’s fault. That’s another fear based voice. So where do we go from emotions? Emotions. Yeah. What’s number four? 

[00:23:40] Rebecca Whitman: Romance. romance affects finance because if you have a partner that is constantly criticizing you, putting you down, draining your energy, it’s going to be a lot harder to reach your financial goals.

[00:23:54] And if you had a partner who was loving, supportive, appreciative. So if I tell my clients, if you’re working with someone who is Neutral. If you are in a relationship with someone who is neutral, walk away because there’s no such thing as neutral energy. There’s either positive supporting or negative and draining energy.

[00:24:16] So find someone who supports your goals and dreams.

[00:24:23] Zach White: the, there is no neutral. That’s a hard thing for some people to believe or wrap their heads around, but I agree a hundred percent and the old, you know, either growing or dying kind of approach to life. It’s like people have, you know, I’m just flat. Things are just okay. It’s neutral. Like, Nope. If you think it’s neutral, it’s going the wrong direction because the work around you or the world around you.

[00:24:45] Isn’t at a standstill, the world is growing and moving on. So if you’re holding still, you’re falling behind. that’s really good. Romance impacts finance. that’s an important thing to consider, you know, and not just in the sense of a loved one who spends your money. That’s not what we’re talking about, how it affects you and your future.

[00:25:04] Number five, where do we go from here? Uh, after 

[00:25:07] Rebecca Whitman: romance is mental. So mental means growing your mind, not just solving engineering problems, but listening to podcasts like this, listening to my podcast, which Zach’s going to be a guest on soon, the balance, beautiful and abundant show, listening to audibles, YouTube’s learning a new language, learning how to cook, learning a sport.

[00:25:31] Keep growing your mind so it doesn’t atrophy to go back to saying that your mind is like a muscle. You want to keep growing and expanding your mind. 

[00:25:42] Zach White: That makes me think of Jim Rohn, the legend of personal development, a giant that we’re all standing on his shoulders today. But he used to talk about, you know, 30 minutes a day dedicated to expanding the mind through reading or, or listening to tapes, et cetera, and continuing to invest in that.

[00:26:01] And he used to say, it’s better to skip a meal than to skip your 30 minutes of reading. And Feeding the mind, you know, you can skip feeding the body for a day, but don’t ever miss feeding your mind. It’s even more important. And so I love that mental grow the mind, Rebecca, what’s for you? If somebody were to say, I don’t have time for all this.

[00:26:22] Yeah, maybe they, they don’t buy into this idea. They’re falling into that fear voice. There’s not enough time. what would be the, highest leverage, simplest thing to do when it comes to that mental side that you’ve seen is effective for people? 

[00:26:38] Rebecca Whitman: As soon as I wake up, I throw an earbud in and I start listening to positive YouTube video, a podcast.

[00:26:46] So I would say, and the nooks and crannies of your day. As you’re just waking up and going to the bathroom, washing your face, brushing your teeth, making breakfast, walking your dog, driving, or if you’re doing public transportation, you know, waiting for the bus or the train, household chores and the nooks and crannies waiting in line at the grocery store or the bank, like in those little nooks and crannies of your day, You can throw your earbuds in and be listening to personal growth.

[00:27:17] That is when I do it. I don’t set aside like this is my 30 minutes. it’s just part of when I wake up, the earbud getting ready for bed, the earbud goes in. When I’m walking the dog, I’m constantly listening all day long to personal growth. 

[00:27:32] Zach White: I think that’s such a key tip and it’s not that it’s hard, it’s just a habit we need to build.

[00:27:38] so go find that motivational, you know, speech or the book or the thing you want to listen to and start tuning in, uh, first thing in the morning. I love that. So mental, two more pillars of abundance. Take us home. 

[00:27:52] Rebecca Whitman: Social. Is very important because community creates immunity. A lot of people are very isolated.

[00:28:00] The suicide rate has gone up, especially during coven post coven because people felt so lonely and isolated. So, find community, whether that’s Facebook group, I like in person even better because there’s an energy exchange, have. Time for friends. So one of my things that I do weekly, I’m not in retirement mode.

[00:28:23] I am actively building my coaching company and my brand, but I schedule in one social visit a week with a friend, nothing crazy, just one or two hours a week socializing in person with a friend. And I recommend building that into your schedule, even if it’s like a coworker and you just. Grab lunch offsite and go somewhere just socializing.

[00:28:47] It’s great to have, groups that support you and your goals and dreams, people that achieve what you want, because it also shows you what’s possible. 

[00:28:58] Zach White: You know, one thing I do, Rebecca, be curious, your thoughts on this. When it comes to community, everything that I’m a part of all my goals, my, my vision for my future, I seek to create community around every part of it.

[00:29:13] Because it’s such an important catalyst to growth and change. And then the happiness to your point, like we’re wired. The hardware of our psychology and our biology is built for community. And so like, I am a coach as well. I have a community of coaches that I invest a lot of time and money into, to, to be with them on the journey of building my coaching business.

[00:29:36] I am married. I want to have other married couples that I’m in community with who are seeking to have a marriage that’s thriving and vibrant and romantic. And so I hang out with them. You know, I am a Christian, so I go to church. I hang out with other Christians. There’s a community you know, there’s all these different spaces this idea that isolation is the enemy of excellence.

[00:29:58] Is something that I talked to a lot of my engineering clients about, and even as they join our coaching programs, like, look, you don’t want just one on one coaching with me. You’re going to want to be a part of this community of other engineers who are building their careers as well, because. It is a real tailwind as you go on that journey versus trying to do everything and hit your goals alone.

[00:30:22] And so I’m curious for you, is that, do you have a similar approach where you build community and like lots of different areas of your life? Or how do you think about this pillar? 

[00:30:28] Rebecca Whitman: In all seven areas of life, I have a community. I have, I love that. I heard a coach, I go to classes, I part of a Facebook group or something where there’s people in that area that have achieved excellence, because if you want what somebody has, you just do what they did and you’ll get what they got.

[00:30:50] And I have literally a community or a coach for all seven pillars of abundance. Like I couldn’t agree with you 

[00:30:56] Zach White: more. Simple example, Rebecca, I’ve got a client who wants to be a senior director, right now he’s a manager. I said, okay, senior director. Awesome. How many directors and senior directors do you hang out with every week?

[00:31:08] It is like zero Oh, interesting. let’s get into proximity. Let’s create some community. How can you go spend some time with people who are wanting to get there? So I love it. And what’s number seven abundance pillar number seven. 

[00:31:21] Rebecca Whitman: Seven is financial and everybody thinks financial should be first.

[00:31:26] I’ll work really hard. I’ll make a ton of money. I’ll hire a personal trainer. I’ll look really hot. I’ll attract my soulmate. We’ll go on spiritual retreats and we’ll socialize with other married couples. Of course, but me and my own personal journey. Finances have come last when I am happy, healthy, fit and love, have friends, then opportunities magnetized to me, which is why I call myself the Magnetic Abundance Mentor, because when I have these other six pillars in alignment, then it makes money.

[00:32:05] Becomes a lot easier. I’m not saying it’s effortless because I am really hustling right now and it’s, I’m doing it in a fun way because it’s all stuff that I love, but it happens faster. money loves speed. And if I am really like bogged down with just making money, it’s just, it becomes a drudgery.

[00:32:27] Zach White: Okay, we need to hit two of these points again, because they’re so important. And I was actually going to ask you at the beginning, and I forgot, so this reminded me, if there’s intentionality to the order of these. And I heard you say money is last. And in my experience, it belongs last. And when I get these other six right, the money is much easier.

[00:32:48] It’s attracted to me. It’s magnetized. I’m not 

[00:32:51] Rebecca Whitman: saying it’s the least important, because I know that To function in this capitalist society, we need money to pay our bills. It’s not least in importance. I’m just saying it comes in. 

[00:33:01] Zach White: Yeah. 

[00:33:02] Rebecca Whitman: To focus on because if I just, if I’m a workaholic and I have all the money in the world and I don’t have any time to work out and I don’t have any time for romance and I don’t have any time for friends, what, what do you have?

[00:33:17] without health, without your friends, without love, like, yeah, you just. Chained to a desk for 80 hours a week and then you are at age 65 and you have a pile of money. But I mean, what are you going to do with it? Like you can’t take it with you to the grave. 

[00:33:33] Zach White: What is the process or the way to determine which of these seven is first in importance in your life at any given moment?

[00:33:44] Rebecca Whitman: Well, you can go to my website. There’s a free quiz on RebeccaElizabethWhitman.com. And you can take a snapshot of your life and see which of the seven pillars you are crushing and which Need support. But I think, you know, like if you are, 20 pounds overweight and you are eating McDonald’s at your desk every day and you haven’t had a date in five years, I think you kind of know that your romance and your health is off.

[00:34:13] Or if you’re, living at the gym and you have a six pack, but you can’t pay your bills. I think, you know, that your finance is off. I think you kind of know. Where you’re struggling. 

[00:34:23] Zach White: I like that. we do have an easy tendency to lie to ourselves or to pretend that something is not the way that it is.

[00:34:32] And so trusting your own intuition among these seven, where do you know you need to focus? Yes. As simple as that sounds, it’s a good reminder. Like you, you know, you know, the answer of where you need to focus. Now it’s a question of getting help. So you also said money loves speed.

[00:34:49] And I love this. I, I say success, love, speed, money comes a lot of times in tandem with success and in our culture and in our mindset. So in many ways, to me, that’s the same kind of statement, money, love, speed. And one place that I see a lot of engineers get stuck, Rebecca, is that the thing they need to get to the next level.

[00:35:12] Is the support and the insights and the strategies the coaching, the mentorship to actually break through. And there’s an investment of money involved, you know, and of course you and I, as coaches were on the receiving end of that, it’s like, yeah, you need to invest in yourself and I invest way more in myself than my clients pay me for coaching, but they get stuck because I don’t have the money now.

[00:35:37] to invest into my future to have more money later. And so one day after I get another couple of promotions, then I’ll consider hiring the coach or going to the seminar or, fill in the blank thing that they need. And it doesn’t even have to be career. Maybe talk about fitness. Like I, don’t want to pay for a gym membership or to hire a trainer or to go on the diet program or whatever.

[00:36:01] So when people get trapped in this idea of, I don’t have the financial resources now to invest to get to that next place, how do you think about that decision and what has served you in your own journey of growth? I would tell 

[00:36:16] Rebecca Whitman: you to bet on yourself. Because investing in your own personal growth and knowledge is the best investment you’ll ever make.

[00:36:27] And we all are accustomed to doing that for formal education. We all know the value of investing in college and in graduate school, but after our formal education ends, only 5%. Are willing to invest in their continuing growth. And I would say if you want to have results of the top 5 percent as far as financially and health and relationship, then the goal would be to do what they did and they invest in themselves.

[00:36:57] So, yeah, better investment. Will you have, and if you invest in a coaching program that is about making more money, it’s going to pay for itself. But let’s say you invest in a coaching program that will create more health or create, your soulmate or, find the love of your life. What price tag can you find?

[00:37:16] Can you even place on your health? What price tag could you even put on being in love and being happy? So I would say that. It, feels different because 95 percent of people won’t do it, but I would encourage you to be in the top 5 percent and yourself because you’re 

[00:37:36] Zach White: worth it. I love that every single entrepreneur, even, W 2 senior leader type people that I’ve worked with who are really like people want to mirror their results, agree with this philosophy my shift, Rebecca, that I had to make.

[00:37:52] Was starting to value time more than money and just recognizing that I can invest the money now and save time to get to where I want to get to. And that’s the money loves speed mantra. It’s like, stop waiting, value your time more than valuing money because you can always make more money. And to your point, you will, as you develop the skills, as you get healthier, romance.

[00:38:17] Impacts finance, if you’re investing to improve in your romantic relationships, this is awesome. Seven pillars. Tell me for you, if someone wants to say, all right, I really want to apply this. I want to get to that next level. It took Rebecca years to get here, like, Oh, this is overwhelming.

[00:38:38] It’s a lot. What’s that smallest starting point? Where would someone begin if they’re just going to do one thing? How would you encourage. An engineer, like this is the place to start. 

[00:38:51] Rebecca Whitman: The one thing I would say is to get a morning practice. How you start your day determines the type of day you have. I don’t care if your morning practice is just drinking your coffee or tea and quietly contemplating your day and just having a moment of gratitude.

[00:39:09] Like I woke up today. This is amazing. I get to wake up. How many people didn’t wake up today? Obviously, I’m a huge believer of the journaling, which is why I want to give it as a gift and why I’ve done it for 30 years, but whatever kind of morning practice you can do, I would say to do that. And then the second thing that I would say that you can do right away is to find time to exercise three to five days a week, even if it’s just walking for 30 minutes.

[00:39:39] Zach White: Yeah. So good. Rebecca, that’s a perfect transition. How can I get my hands on this free resource and connect with you? I know every happy engineer out there is going to want to know where can they go to take advantage of all this. So, thank you for that generous offer. And how do we, get the prompts in the journal and all the access to support from you moving forward?

[00:40:01] Rebecca Whitman: Zach is going to share my link tree, which will have the journal and you can also find my website, Rebecca Elizabeth Whitman. com. That’s Elizabeth with a Z. You can find me on Instagram, Tik TOK, Twitter at Rebecca E. Whitman. And I look forward to keeping in touch with you and supporting you as you go on your happy engineering journey.

[00:40:26] Zach White: Awesome. Absolutely. Click into the show notes right now. You’re going to see a link to the full notes. All the links are there. Everything Rebecca’s talking about and happy engineer talking to you right now. Definitely encourage you go check out balanced, beautiful and abundant podcast. Rebecca’s got amazing content there.

[00:40:44] I’ll be on, an episode here soon. So check that out. The life you want to live, just imagine waking up feeling balanced, beautiful and abundant. Like that’s what we’re going after. So go check out these resources and get that morning practice started. That is amazing. Rebecca, thanks for being here. And I’m excited to hear.

[00:41:04] This last piece from you, because as a coach and someone who’s helped so many people to transform their life, going from an existence of burnout and overwhelm, which so many engineers can relate to, to waking up and smiling and saying, gosh, this is so cool how my life is balanced, beautiful and abundant, you know, as well as anyone that the questions lead And the answers follow.

[00:41:30] And if we want better answers in our life, then we need to ask better questions. So for the happy engineer, who’s been listening to us talk about abundance all day, what is the question that’s most important that you would leave that happy engineer with today? 

[00:41:48] Rebecca Whitman: I would say to view your day with an attitude of curiosity rather than expectation.

[00:41:56] So the question I would ask is. I wonder what is going to happen today and then have an open mind and see what 

[00:42:05] Zach White: happens. This is so great. And we’ve had 130 responses to that question, Rebecca, and this is a true first. I love this. So the spirit and the energy of curiosity. And just creating a habit of asking, I wonder what’s going to happen next.

[00:42:27] I wonder where this is going to take me with a positive expectation and intention around abundance. So good. Rebecca, thank you so much for being here. You’re amazing. I do hope everyone connects with these free resources and your podcast, and we’ll have to connect again and do this down the road. Thanks again.

[00:42:47] Rebecca Whitman: You’re so welcome. It’s been great, Zach.