201: The Worst Advice Coming in 2025 and Why You Must Avoid It

FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPT:

Please note the full transcript is 90-95% accuracy. Reference the podcast audio to confirm exact quotations.

[00:00:00] Zach White: It’s that time of year again, we’re wrapping up 2024 thinking about big goals, thinking about the new year, new you for 2025. And as a coach, I’m supposed to come out onto this podcast and say, let’s go level up to that next best version of you. We’re going to crush it in 2025. We’re going to set bigger goals than you’ve ever set in your whole life.

[00:00:28] So, it’s hype time, right? It’s hype time. And first of all, if you do need some support and resources for reflecting on 2024 and going through an intentional goal setting rhythm and process for 2025, I do believe that that is really, really important. And there is a link in the show notes to last year’s.

[00:00:53] New year’s episode where I went through a complete training on what I call the yearly playbook rhythm. This is the system that I use myself, that I coach my clients, the incredible engineering leaders in our programs. It’s the exact same system. So if you would like to grab a free copy of the video training of the PDF workbook that you can follow along and do the work alongside the training, I.

[00:01:20] Do really encourage you to go check that out. It’s totally free and there’s a link in the show notes. You can click and we’ll send that over to your inbox and help you and guide you through taking a level of intentionality into 2025 that will set you up for success. But I’m not going to talk about goals today.

[00:01:39] I actually just did that back in episode one 98 went into why we need goals A better goal. Why vision is so important. So if that’s the topic that’s on your mind right now, as you approach. New years of 2025, then go back and listen to that. And also click that link in the show notes to get the training and the workbook on the yearly playbook rhythm.

[00:02:04] But today I actually have a topic on my heart that is even more important, I believe for going into 2025. And it’s one of those things that’s always important, but life has a way of putting it on the front burner. I was at dinner at a really nice restaurant. One of the best places around where I live here in Michigan with another couple, two great friends.

[00:02:31] It’s my wife and I, another couple, we were chatting about how things have been going for them. What were the big wins, in his business in 2025 had a great meal, incredible wine, just loving the experience, catching up with great friends. But my friend, Jack said something that. is considered true and wise by so many people and it kind of caught me off guard.

[00:02:58] He said, you know, I feel like in 2025, a big part of what made everything work for me was I really lowered any of my expectations. About what was going to happen in the business this year, because that gap between my expectations and what actually happens in my life. The gap between my expectations and reality is the source of all unhappiness.

[00:03:29] And I’ve been learning this year how to close that gap by surrendering and releasing those expectations, going into my life with no expectations. So that I don’t experience that disappointment and that gap between my reality that has been really tough at certain points in the business he’s in, the economy has impacted it in a big way.

[00:03:54] Things have been challenging for him and you know, he’s facing tough times. Maybe you can relate. Engineering leaders all over the nation experienced layoffs, experienced extreme pressure and challenge under immense stress and burnout. And you might be right there alongside Jack and those engineering leaders who are going through a tough time or who went through that already.

[00:04:16] Maybe you’ve recovered now. Like we can all relate to what Jack is saying, and there’s a lot of wisdom out there. study different philosophies and you’ll see that People buy into this notion that desire is the source of all unhappiness. And if you want to be happy, you need to surrender desire, let go of wanting things.

[00:04:36] And if you would stop holding such high and unrealistic expectations for your life, if you would stop being a entitled millennial and someone who just believes that the whole world should come to you, that you can do anything, that you can have anything. If you’d let go of that mindset. You’d be able to let go of the unhappiness, the disappointment, the frustration, the anger, the bitterness, the resentment that comes with that gap between an expectation, something that you’ve desired, something that you were holding out for, something that you were hoping for, that doesn’t happen.

[00:05:17] There is wisdom inside of that notion. I don’t want to dismiss it completely. I agree, in a sense, because I’ve experienced the pain of that gap. And it’s true that if you can enter an experience being fully present, independent of any expectations, totally surrendering to the moment and what it brings, that No matter what happens, we can find something to be grateful for and joyful for in that experience.

[00:05:47] There’s a lot of truth there, but there’s a really dangerous side effect to pursuing this doctrine, this dogma, this belief system of Letting go of all desire to stop wanting anything and to stop having expectations or to lower those expectations and to delete hope from your life. That’s not what most people mean when they say surrender your expectations, but what happens is you let go of hope.

[00:06:28] Now I want to tell you about a different moment in my life just a couple of months ago that came into my heart as I was reflecting on this conversation with Jack because it just didn’t sit well with me. There was a part of me that understands, I’ve read, This philosophy, I’ve practiced some of these mindsets in my own journey.

[00:06:48] And we even talk about the presence and fulfillment in the now with clients all the time at the Oasis of Courage, but something didn’t settle in my soul. And here’s why just a couple of months ago, I went on a trip with my wife to visit my sister and her husband and their six children, my nieces and nephews, one boy.

[00:07:10] Five girls, they have a beautiful family and I don’t see them very often. And when we booked the trip, it was months before we were actually going to go. And because I don’t see these nieces and nephews very often, they started getting excited and they started planning all of the things that we were going to do together while aunt Johanna and uncle Zach came down for the visit.

[00:07:37] And one of the peak experiences we had planned for the trip was to go to the local college, it’s a D2 college, to their homecoming football game. And we got tickets to the game, and there’s all of these festivities around the homecoming weekend, and we were going to pack everybody up in the van and go down to the homecoming game.

[00:07:59] Watch the football game, go to the petting zoo, jump in the bouncy houses, get some, snacks and food and we spent months getting excited about this experience. And every time I would talk with one of my nieces or nephews, they would say, Oh, Uncle Zach, I’m so excited for you to come down and go to the football game.

[00:08:22] I can’t wait to watch the game with you. Or my niece would say, Oh, Aunt Johanna, I can’t wait to ride the ponies at the homecoming fair with you. This is going to be so incredible. This will be so much fun. And they just reveled in the excitement, the enthusiasm, the expectation, and the anticipation. Of this really fun time that we were going to have together for months.

[00:08:47] And then when we got there that first day, as we were having fun doing other things, they were reminding us, Oh, on Saturday, we’re going to go to the football game. It’s going to be incredible. It’s going to be so fun. I can’t wait to show you this. I can’t wait to do that. Game day came around and everything that we dreamed for all the things we wanted basically happened.

[00:09:08] There was a little bit of rain. A couple of things didn’t go perfect, but more or less the day was everything we hoped it would be. And we had a great time. We made great memories, took fun photos, and now it’s in the memory books. Something that I will cherish for the rest of my life. But more importantly, those kids are still talking about us coming down and going to the game.

[00:09:33] This is now a couple months after the fact. So, for months before and for months after, we’ve been enjoying this experience. Do you think that all of that positive energy and emotion would have happened if we had just told those kids, Hey, we’re coming down for the trip. But don’t get your hopes up. Don’t have any expectations about anything fun happening at all.

[00:10:05] I want you to just close your mind, close your eyes, forget about the fact that we’re even coming. And when we get there, we’ll just see what happens. That way, no matter what happens, nobody will be disappointed because we won’t have to worry about any expectations not being met. Let’s not get tickets to the football game because just in case it gets rained out and we can’t go to the game, we don’t want you to be disappointed.

[00:10:35] We don’t want you to get your hopes up and then be sad and feel the frustration or have to deal with the tears that might come with missing out on that great experience. So we’re not going to plan anything. We’re just going to come down and surrender to the moment, whatever it has. And that’ll be that.

[00:10:54] What do you think those kids would say if that’s the way we treated this big experience? Like that’d be awful. That would have been awful. We would have missed out on all of those fun conversations, getting excited together, the anticipation and the joy that that brought. We would have missed out on the hype and enthusiasm of the day itself because we had held this high energy and expectation of having a great time.

[00:11:21] Guess what happened? We rose to the occasion of creating that because that’s what we had primed our minds and our hearts to do. And even though it rained a little bit that day, it didn’t dampen our spirits because we had already created an incredible time in our hearts and minds. Hope is a powerful force in propelling your life forward.

[00:11:49] Hope is something you do not want to live without in 2025. Having an expectation is a good thing. And when engineering leaders come to work with me as their coach, if they say that they don’t have any expectations for our coaching, you know, well, if it works, it works. And if it doesn’t work, at least I tried, you know, the worst thing is I lose, I lose some money.

[00:12:16] I lose some time, but at least I’ll know I gave it a shot. Like I don’t really have any expectations for this. I just want to give it a try. If I pick up on that energy, Or they say something like that to me when we’re kicking off a coaching engagement. I immediately stop them and say, Listen, when we work together, I want you to scrap the advice of lowering your expectations so you won’t be disappointed.

[00:12:44] I think that’s terrible advice. Starting right now, I want you to Raise your expectations. I want you to lift your expectation to the highest level you can manage. To the edge of your belief. As far as you can go without saying, Well, that’s impossible. That’s the place right at that edge that I want you to hold your hope and your expectation for our coaching together and here’s why.

[00:13:16] because the higher you hold that expectation, the more room of possibility that opens up in your mindset and in your heart for us to fill and expand into in our coaching. But if you have no expectations or you’re expecting this to barely work or not work at all because you’ve lowered the expectation, you have closed your mind.

[00:13:45] You have limited the possibility of what can happen in our coaching together, and we have sabotaged the work before we even began. Let’s make a distinction about hope. What’s the difference between what Jack, a very wise and successful business leader, had to say at dinner, and what my little nieces and nephews were doing in holding such a high regard and expectation for a fun trip?

[00:14:10] Here’s the key distinction. Hope is not A wish for something to happen when you actually have self doubt, when you actually do not believe that it’s possible. You wish it would happen, but you don’t actually think it will. Your instincts, your intuition, your belief, your probable scenario, the thing that you actually believe is going to happen is something negative.

[00:14:40] you hope it turns out good, but you don’t think it will. That’s not hope. Hope is about confidence. Hope is a confident expectation. Hope is the energy of saying, This is what I expect, and I am confident that through my energy, my effort, my focus, my support, my willingness to reach out for help, that it will happen.

[00:15:09] That I will get that result. Hope is a confident expectation. It is not a wish in the face of doubt when you don’t actually believe it’s going to happen. It’s a confident expectation and confidence is the number one predictor of your future success in 2025. I’m going to say that again, because it absolutely matters.

[00:15:34] Confidence is the number one predictor of your success in 2025, because without confidence, you will not take the actions that are required to get the new results. Confidence is the energy of certainty and faith that is the prerequisite to your growth and transformation. And hope is a confident expectation.

[00:15:56] Hoping for a better future is absolutely, without a doubt, one of the most powerful things that you can nurture in your life. Don’t give up on it. Don’t let go of hope. Don’t just settle. For a life of no expectation for the future. Now, don’t hear what I’m not saying. I’m not saying that we want to go through life in a constant state of unrealistic expectations, and being frustrated by it all the time.

[00:16:35] That’s not what I’m saying. There is wisdom in understanding that moment to moment right now as we’re living our life that we can surrender to whatever is happening. See the beauty and perfection in life’s imperfection and have happiness and joy in this moment regardless of what’s going on. That is still true, but that is not in conflict with planning for the future, with big dreams, with big vision and with big hope, which is confidence in that expectation.

[00:17:11] And when you do that, you create that pull into the better future. Without hope, You will not experience that growth, that pull, that tug. And honestly, if you’re not growing, if you’re not stretching into your full potential, then what are you doing? Like, That’s what you’re listening to this podcast for.

[00:17:34] That’s why we’re connected. That’s, that’s the whole point. Like you can just turn this off. If you don’t care about having anything better or different in your future than you do today, then you don’t need to be listening to this. The reason we’re here together is because we want something better for the future and to solve for our future by not wanting anything is not the answer.

[00:17:58] So my word for you in 2025. is hope. Restore hope, a confident expectation in a better career, in better leadership, in better experiences at work, in a better paycheck, in a better bonus, in a better lifestyle, in better balance, better boundaries, better sense of meaning and purpose, a better mission for your life at work and at home, a better vision, better clarity.

[00:18:33] Better, you name it, let’s lean in to hope together in 2025. And if that is something that sounds nice, but you don’t have it, or you don’t know how to get it, then don’t leave this podcast without taking action to reach out and connect and see if we can help you. To get there. This is such a fundamental part of the lifestyle engineering blueprint, our coaching program.

[00:19:05] This is something I would be honored. To support you, to show you how your mindset is blocking you, to show you how purpose is lacking in your life and to show you how to restore hope in a better future, a better vision, and then put those plans in place. The strategies, tactics, tools to go get it. We would love to have you.

[00:19:26] We would love to join with you in recreating that and rekindling that in your life in 2025. But my challenge to you, no matter how bad. 2024 felt no matter where you’re at today, no matter what direction the trajectory of your life feels like it’s on. If you’re growing, if you’re plateauing, or if your life is crashing towards a disaster, if you’re on your way in a nosedive toward burnout, it doesn’t matter which of those lines you’re on.

[00:19:56] If you want to create a picture of the future that is rooted in a confidence that you’ve never had before, a level of certainty. That is currently missing from your life. Then you need to reach out and connect with us about joining the program. It is such a powerful experience. Everything you need to know about how to do that is in the show notes, but if you want to grab your phone, you want to get connected right now, you can do that too.

[00:20:24] Just text the word lifestyle to the number five, five, four, four, four, one word lifestyle, the numbers five, five, four, four, four. We’ll send you a link. You can get on the calendar, talk to my team for a few minutes about what’s going on, and if it’s a great fit, they’ll put you on my calendar and you and I can have a one on one conversation about exactly what you need and build a roadmap to that.

[00:20:50] Hope is the word of the year for 2025. Don’t let pain of the gap between a confident expectation and reality create fear from having expectations. Yeah, there’s pain. That can happen, but when you succumb to that fear of the gap, then you miss out on the childlike joy that my nieces and nephews had for weeks and months on end about something as simple as a football game.

[00:21:26] You and I are talking about things much bigger and much more meaningful than just a football game. It’s your life. it’s your mission, your vision, the big impact you want to make at work with technology to change the world, to change your products, that change people’s lives through the work that we do.

[00:21:44] Engineering is so awesome. You are literally reshaping the world through the work that you do. And yet we’re missing out on experiencing it in a way that is so fulfilling because one time it didn’t work out the way we wanted that hurt. And now we’re afraid to want things again. My challenge to you is to delete that train of thought from your life, to learn, to be present, learn to enjoy what is no matter what, yes, and create for the future.

[00:22:21] Let’s do that in 2025 and the rest of our lives together.