029: Does Hypnosis Actually Work? Happy Careers and Huge Results with Expert Coach Leslie Thornton

[00:00:34] Leslie Thornton: right back. Hey, is that I was just like seeing you in that beautiful white light of just magnetism and just like, I am so lucky that I get to be on this guy’s podcast right now. So thanks for having me.

[00:00:45] Zach White: You’re welcome. So there’s a thousand points we could start from, but I want to go right into the heart of part of your work.

[00:00:54] And, you know, in the intro we heard about hypnosis for permanent weight loss in the work you’re doing and your company, but the word hypnosis. For most engineers, myself included is fully loaded with. Negative impressions. I mean, the first picture that pops in my mind is some hypnotists on a stage hypnotizing, a bunch of people in chairs who then start acting ridiculous and it’s hilarious and entertaining.

[00:01:23] And that’s really the only paradigm I had for what is hypnosis before I met you and started learning from you in this space. So can you just set us straight? What is this world of hypnosis and like truths and the lies that maybe we’re told and just kind of opened that up for. 

[00:01:40] Leslie Thornton: Absolutely. Well, first of all, I’m a nurse by trade.

[00:01:44] So science and data and research is the background that I grew up into. Even my parents and grandparents were all in the medical system. So when I first found hypnosis, it was like immediate skepticism. If this actually worked, why wouldn’t they have taught me this in nursing school? Or why wouldn’t I have heard about.

[00:02:07] But I personally was desperate for a way out of what I consider food prisons. So just diet mentality, thinking about that stuff all the time and, stumbled upon hypnosis. And despite my skepticism was just really committed to getting myself out of that really challenging spot when it came to that topic of my life after years of trying every diet under the sun and all the things.

[00:02:30] So, Yeah. I went home and did all the work and, woke up the next day. And, you know, I don’t know if any of your, maybe some of your audiences seen the show office space where the guy gets hypnotized and he’s like, I don’t care. Like he just like, and he, they forget to take them out. So then he like starts being ridiculous and you’re right.

[00:02:48] There’s all the stage hypnosis and all this kind of stuff. So it gets a bad rap but the truth is that despite the fact that. Fast inductions or the stage hypnosis stuff like is real, but it’s not magic a lot of hypnosis, it just feels like a guided meditation. Like it’s just feels like a progressive relaxation.

[00:03:09] The difference between hypnosis and meditation, meditation is for the purpose of general relaxation broadly saying positive messages or whatever with hypnosis. It is geared towards one specific goal that one wants to reach. So  if you want to make a million dollars, if you want to stop smoking, if you want to get out of obsessing with food or lose weight that would be the time to use hypnosis.

[00:03:32] Now, the other thing about hypnosis to make people feel safer about that topic. Cause I totally get that. I was just having this conversation with someone last night is the fact that all of us have been being hypnotized. Since we were born, it’s just the way the human mind works. So the family, we grew up in culture we grew up in school, religious background.

[00:03:57] If we had one, all the, you know, different things like that. Equals the different beliefs and habits and automatic programming that we all have so I was hypnotized to believe that I had to be skinny in order to make it in life right. Like I didn’t put that there, but I really thought that that was true.

[00:04:15] So that’s if gnosis that happened. So what neuroscience has now proven is that we actually have the opportunity to go into our own minds just through relaxation. Okay. So to kind of it’s during the alpha or theta wave of sleep, most commonly when hypnosis takes effect. So basically what that means is like in your waking state, you just have more brain activity.

[00:04:39] Same way as if you’re going through a guided meditation, we slowed down that part of our mind. And then we actually have the opportunity to give powerful, empowering suggestions to the unconscious mind in alignment with what you want to start seeing in your life. And then what happens is, so it’s the same part of our brain that if you go to buy a new.

[00:05:01] Black Tesla. You’re going to start seeing black Teslas everywhere. Right? The reticular activating system. So what we focus on grows. Now, the thing about the suggestions right now, first of all, you can’t make anybody do anything they don’t want to do. So if I told your audience right now, Hey guys, stand up.

[00:05:19] Really good. Unless there was something that was super dangerous about you standing up people for the most part, like a majority would stand because there’s no harm. It’s like, I can do that. That’s fine. But if I told your audience, Hey guys, I want you to go across a busy street with your eyes closed and don’t look.

[00:05:36] you could automatically, you can even right now feel the resistance. Like I’m not doing that. Okay. So it’s the same exact thing. We all will know. Like the I’m not doing that piece and not do it if it’s not in alignment with something or going against your safety or your values. 

[00:05:51] Zach White: Sure. Okay.

[00:05:52] Well, so let me back up one second, because you’re giving us a, like, uh, I’m. The nerd in me is coming out. Lizzie. I want to talk about some things. I want to go back to the statement you made, that we have all been hypnotized since we were born, which really opens up the definition much broader than most of us.

[00:06:11] Think about what hypnosis is like. I’ve always before isolated it to, if a hypnotist were in front of me doing a special technique that is hypnosis, but I hear you saying the power of suggestion to believe something, an act of. Which is happening around us all the time. That process is hypnosis. Am I getting that 

[00:06:34] Leslie Thornton: right?

[00:06:34] Yep You are absolutely getting that right? . 

[00:06:37] Zach White: it. Okay. So if that’s true, let’s just take that as base fact, the process of hypnosis, uh, is way bigger and broader than we assumed before this neuroscience piece that you’re talking about. Help me understand how is hypnosis.

[00:06:55] Coaching or therapy or a specific practice different than just the day-to-day wandering suggestions. Might’ve been entering my life even before this conversation or is there a difference? 

[00:07:08] Leslie Thornton: So you’re talking specifically about hypnosis coaching as one category or hypnosis, I heard two things hypnosis in that category or just walking day.

[00:07:19] Are you talking about affirmations? Clear that, yeah. 

[00:07:21] Zach White: Great question. what I’m thinking of is there’s like two buckets in my mind. There’s my day-to-day live. And what we’re saying is like you’re being hypnotized all the time and you’re just unaware of it. And then there’s working with Leslie, who’s going to use hypnosis to transform my life.

[00:07:38] Is the, difference, is there something different, 

[00:07:41] Leslie Thornton: different? Yes, because when you’re working with Leslie or whatever, hypnosis or hypnotherapists practitioner, whatever. Um, you are there for a reason, because most likely there is some result that you’re not getting despite working very hard to get that result.

[00:07:57] And so what people start to cue into for themselves is that, Hey, like I’ve done everything under the sun, right. I work in weight loss. So it’s like, I’ve done every diet under the sun. I’ve even done surgery. I’ve done this. I’ve taken pills. I blah, blah, blah. No matter what I do, I can’t stop the food thing.

[00:08:16] Right. So then we start getting desperate because the thing is, the reason it’s not happening is because it’s something happening in the subconscious mind. So then you go to your practitioner and you’re like, this is where I’m feeling stuck. So then we get to work together to become aware of what are the limiting decisions, what are the limiting beliefs that you have?

[00:08:39] Right? Because our unconscious mind, one of its prime directives is to keep our bodies safe. K. So if our unconscious mind actually believes that keeping weight on or smoking or whatever is actually helping you in some way, I’ve worked with people with testing anxiety before. So it’s like maybe your, wiring is such that, that you’re always going to have test anxiety.

[00:09:04] So you always fail so that you never have to step into how big you are or how successful that you can, because then you’d be putting yourself at risk. Your family might abandon you, right? Like all of these primal fears kick-in so we together discover what those are. And then we also discovered together, what is it that you actually want to see happening in your life instead, or in this area of your life?

[00:09:28] And then we feed that stuff. So that’s the other thing is like you are choosing what messages you want to be putting there. Now little asterisk to this is that the unconscious mind can not hear next. Okay. So what that means is when so many people we can relate to weight loss like, as soon as we start that diet or that new regime, and it’s like, I’m not going to eat any more cookies.

[00:09:50] For example, how many of us want to just like eat cookies all day? The second you declare why, why does it get harder to stay on your plan as soon as you make that commitment? Well, because now you’re starting all day long saying to yourself, don’t eat the cookies, don’t eat the cookies, don’t eat the cookies, but the unconscious mind can only here eat the cookies, eat the cookies, eat the cookies.

[00:10:11] So, yeah, so our living quick, so just to wrap it in a bow, our human mind will focus on a negative, like. Times more likely than we will focus on the positive, right? Because we’re trying to keep ourselves safe. If we focus on the danger, we won’t go to the danger again, but it causes us to stay in a place of survival, panic, stress, strain, all the things.

[00:10:33] So we need to actually help you become aware of what it is that you do want to have happen and plant that in. And then you’ll start to see that stuff automatically appearing in your life without the stress strain and struggle. 

[00:10:48] Zach White: I’m excited by this. Here’s why I see with my clients and the engineers who I support all the time.

[00:10:58] There’s only an understanding of what’s not working and what I don’t want about my current situation. Lots of people lack clarity on what you actually do want to see created in your life, but I’ve never really connected the dots to see. Hey, the subconscious, the unconscious doesn’t even recognize your statement of what you don’t want over here.

[00:11:24] All it’s doing is processing. That’s what you’re focusing on. You’re going to get more of that, this whole notion of an affirmation in the negative. If that’s even a thing, a negative affirmation, completely backwards. Doesn’t work. Not only is it not commonly talked about, but if you’re doing it, you’re actually creating the problem.

[00:11:44] Is 

[00:11:45] Combined Zoom: that 

[00:11:45] Leslie Thornton: a fair, can we see it happening all the time? You know, those people that are like, oh, there’s always a dark cloud over my sky. Or like always a dark cloud that follows me around. It’s like, if you even have that belief about yourself, then you are always on the lookout for how you’re going to be screwed over or whatever that looks like.

[00:12:01] And then it always happens. Right. So it’s like actually that conscious choice of being like, what if always things are happening and working out for me you know, and just getting into that imagination, part of your brain add hypnosis, and then you get to start and step into a new reality. 

[00:12:16] Zach White: So I, I know the engineering leader listening is going to have a thousand questions about the neuroscience and for the moment I’m going to just, let’s put a pin in that because we probably won’t be able to go through all the doctoral research today, today.

[00:12:28] But just as a simple action for the listener to take notice, if you’re constantly thinking about the negative side of what you don’t want in life and recognize that those thoughts are not serving that they’re amplifying in your uncanny. Absolutely. 

[00:12:42] Leslie Thornton: And, and a good point on that note, Zack is like not to make yourself wrong or bad for having those negative thoughts be going all around because that’s another place where people will.

[00:12:52] Self-sabotage is like, there’ll be like, I know I’m thinking these negative thoughts and it’s my fault and why what’s wrong with me for thinking that but it just continues that cycle. So forgiving yourself for having that happen, we all do it. It’s how our brains are wired. And then yeah, you can shine a light on like, what am I thinking?

[00:13:12] The other thing. Cool to realize is that, when you write down all those negative thoughts, so for example, you guys in the career space, right. And, and career change, or getting that promotion as a, an engineer maybe you, can’t get to that next level. Or you have qualms with your boss.

[00:13:28] Like, why isn’t he paying attention to me? Like, why doesn’t he see that I’m working my butt off  So all of that, just being able to write all those thoughts down and realize. How many other human beings on the planet right now, we’re thinking these same exact thoughts and just creating some space and distance because these are not unique to you.

[00:13:48] And then it’s like, okay, now I’m going to like throw that piece of paper away because that’s my dialogue that clearly is not working and what if I focus on like how amazing my boss is and how he’s always been there for me. And he gives me my paid time off every year and he does always give me my bonus and he did pay attention to me that one time.

[00:14:06] Right. And then all of a sudden your energy light and. You start feeling grateful for that boss. And then all of a sudden it’s like the promotion came and you weren’t attached to it anymore. You’re like, oh, it just happened. Well, guess why? Because your energy changed and you’re great to be around versus something else they might feel in year.

[00:14:24] If that’s not the case. 

[00:14:26] Zach White: Awesome. You said earlier that you stumbled into hypnosis and there was skepticism coming from the world of medicine and nursing, and tell us about that moment in your journey. Leslie, how did you stumble across this? What was happening in your life? 

[00:14:42] Leslie Thornton: I actually had just graduated from nursing school.

[00:14:46] And like I said, was struggling with all the food stuff for a very long time and kind of hit the bottom of my barrel. looking in the mirror and seeing my jeans and the way they were fitting and being like, oh my God, this is awful. I can’t imagine doing one more diet again.

[00:15:01] So I hit that. Quote-unquote rock bottom kind of place that people talk about. I brought myself to the school therapist and she’s like, well, you’re graduating in two weeks. This is like a bigger topic than we’ll be able to really cover. She gave me some helpful hints and sent me on my way, 

[00:15:15] Then I did a cross-country trip and was actually living in San Francisco for a while after nursing school and spent a ton of time at the San Francisco public library. Like I was so free not having to just study nursing all the time or it’s like, I get to, you know, studying, all these different musicians and.

[00:15:32] And all these cool things and I wasn’t even looking for it. And I just, one day just saw a book on hypnosis and I was like, what is this? Like hypnosis for weight loss? Like, this is whatever, but I took it home. And then I just like everything that the book was saying, I was just speaking my language of like, Sneaky eating and like doing these weird behaviors and feeling like a pig at a trough.

[00:15:53] And like, you can’t stop eating no matter what you do. And you know, so much opens up and that’s why we hire coaches, right. Is because someone is actually putting words to the way that you’re feeling and speaking your same story. And that’s a big part to having the hypnosis work is to also feel like, Hey, I’m safe here.

[00:16:12] This person understands my path, right? Like Zach’s been there, he’s been all the way up at the top in his career. And he knows what it’s like to, you know, have promotions and start his own business. So like, Doug, I’m going to work with that guy. Right. So gaining that level of rapport and trust, and then it opens up my unconscious mind, I’ll be like, all right, whatever this guy says, let’s do it.

[00:16:32] Which is where coaching comes in to coaching as a form of HIPAA. Because you’re consciously putting yourself in a container with this coach who has his own beliefs, his own habits based on his upbringing. It’s like, whatever that guy is having, I’ll have that too, because I need those same results. And I can’t get that with the upbringing that I had in the current belief system.

[00:16:53] I hold. 

[00:16:55] Zach White: That’s amazing. So I being a lover of books. I’m really inspired by the fact that just finding the right book at the right time, started you down the path. And so Leslie, one of the things that is coming out in the language around this, and I really want to hear your perspective because I know you so well, and I know that you do.

[00:17:17] you are different in this space than many people. And it’s the distinction between thinking and feeling this, articulate, logical analytical thinking world, that engineers and myself and my clients, we are just hungry to live in versus some of what is the language of the unconscious and the body and this feeling side of life.

[00:17:39] Can you. Describe how you see those two dimensions as you know, how does it play out and specifically tell us about this feeling side, because it’s coming up, off and on through the conversation here. And I know that engineers, we get stereotyped as having low emotional intelligence, not being connected to that feeling part of our, our being.

[00:18:02] So you just tell us about how you see that and then how did you become so good at that feeling side of. 

[00:18:09] Leslie Thornton:Well, first of all, I have to say, I love engineers very much. I think you are all amazing. Every engineer that I meet, like, I can pretty much tell right off the bat. I’m like, you’re an engineer, aren’t you?

[00:18:20] And they’re just like, yeah. Yeah. And I just, I think they’re great because you are very smart the other reason I think that you’re great is because I feel like I could gone that route despite my going into more of the body, I, like to think I have a nice balance of the mind and the body at this point, but it wasn’t always that way.

[00:18:38] but you know, for the most part I loved, on Christmas morning I would be there for hours after the gifts were done, like screwing in and, fixing up my little sister’s toys that had all these instructions. And I like, couldn’t wait to figure out how to put it all together.

[00:18:53] Had that nerdy part of myself. So, figuring stuff out like that is something that I’m passionate about. And like I said, not to feeling cause me tons of challenges in my life. Okay. So for whatever reason, I just wound up being more in my head, like engineers, um, can be then in my body. So what that looks like was, numbing out on when emotions would come up because I didn’t really know how to handle them.

[00:19:18] Hence my food. Addiction or, feeling like that around you know, cause sugar and food numbs out on that kind of stuff. Also like learning how to bottle in my emotions. I wasn’t emotive. I wasn’t saying the way that I felt it just wasn’t a habit. It just wasn’t who I was. And so I felt isolated.

[00:19:36] Yes. I was always very good in school because that’s a great isolator sport of like just immediately home from school. And you just go right into your room and close your door and you’re studying for the rest of the night. 

[00:19:47] Zach White: Uh, what you just said is so beautiful. I hope the engineering leader. School is a great isolating sport.

[00:19:55] Every, every engineer should be cheering like, yes, I am. I won a gold medal in that sport. Here it is. It really is so isolating. I’m sorry. I just know it’s great to highlight that. Okay, 

[00:20:10] Leslie Thornton: perfect. You can quote that in any way, but you want, and people can start playing the gameso yeah, so I was great at that sport and, socially, I had a few friends here and there, but it wasn’t really like my main thing.

[00:20:22] So I just really started without really knowing it. But realizing that there were certain areas of my life that weren’t working or weren’t working as well as I really needed them to and had to delve into that, I had to look at my career, had to look at my food stuff, had to look at my relationship stuff.

[00:20:40] And at the end of the day, Everything that was blocking me from having those things was emotional things in my body were beliefs in my unconscious mind about not being good enough or being worthless or being, whatever that had me just lock myself up. Yes. It made for myself being, successful and, accelerated on my path with career.

[00:21:02] But no, when it came to relationships and my, food stuff or health stuff that was not working. So I always tell people have been talking about this lately of how I see that there’s two different kinds of success. Robin Williams is our most recent example of somebody,

[00:21:17] Who was like, he was awesome at his trade. He did everything they did, but he obviously had a way of coping with the hardships that come along with success. And it’s like, no matter what success creates. Emotional challenges. Like it’s just impossible not to feel like you’re going to have to get out of your comfort zone and do things you don’t want to have to do, but your way of coping with what’s going to happen is different.

[00:21:40] So that’s success type, number one, success type number two, for whatever reason. I usually am speaking with women, but I think of like Meryl Streep. Right. I’m trying to think if there’s a male when I can think of, but just like somebody who just like maybe, um, Uh, what’s the actor who’s in everything.

[00:21:53] Apollo 13. Yeah. Maybe Tom Hanks or something. Right. It’s like, you just feel like that person, like all around has integrity is vibrating at a high level. They’re clearly continuing to be born more successful. And every aspect of their life is, is working. You know, like they might be in a marriage that actually works, or, you know, there’s not too much drama around whatever.

[00:22:14] So it’s like, how are they doing? Right. And so for me, that is what leads to not only a great reputation and getting to be a good example and make a difference on the planet. But also you’re having health and having happiness and having peace of mind and having these human things that we all want to have.

[00:22:33] Just not all of us are very aware of how to actually sustainably achieve that. So it’s like, what would it be like for everyone to have, you know, not only a thriving career, but also like an amazing marriage. And amazing relationship where you get to be all parts of yourself and you’re safe to be all parts of yourself and that, you know, I see, cause I work with very successful business on are mostly women, but that’s the part that’s missing.

[00:22:57] They’ve trained themselves to be really good at work, but they’re really lacking in these other areas of their life. And it starts with that feeling uncovering the emotional. 

[00:23:06] Zach White: Hm, this idea that you can be one dimensionally successful and have everything else coming off. The tracks resonates for me and my story, which I know a lot of listeners have heard, but I guess, Leslie, what would you suggest if someone listening is connecting to that?

[00:23:24] Like, yeah, I feel that way. I’m not on. Uh, a path that’s leading to success with integrity across all these areas. What’s the first step for someone to begin creating change? Like where would you encourage someone to begin? 

[00:23:40] Leslie Thornton: Definitely. Well, I know for myself, whenever I’m listening to a podcast or something and they say stuff like this, right?

[00:23:45] Like let’s see area of your life that you’re unhappy with, like, or. I share that about, there’s always that thing that comes up into that person’s mind like, oh, it’s my marriage or, oh, it’s my career or, oh, I’m like really scared about my health right now or whatever. So I think just knowing that answer’s already there for you, whatever that is and then acting on it.

[00:24:04] So it’s like the same as always is like number one, admitting that this area of your life isn’t working. And number two, being brutally honest with yourself that you’re not okay with that. Right because it’s like, we convince ourselves and tell ourselves that it’s about money. It’s about the promotion.

[00:24:16] It’s about the career, but it’s like in actuality, like what do you really care about? Like what’s actually missing for you. And, you know, even if, even if it is really the career aspect, you can’t take your personal life out of your career success. So chances are, if you’re bumping into roadblocks, when it comes to the area of your career, it’s because of things like relationship health, excuse me, family in the background that needs to be taken care of.

[00:24:42] And once those boxes are checked, You’ll start showing up. You’re sub producing. You start feeling motivated and there’s the promotion. Again. Um, energy is a huge factor, but being honest and then finding someone who is going to be able to help you with that. Zach is a great person. You know, he’s been through all the different personal stuff at the same time as the career stuff.

[00:25:01] So hire Zach, you know, and just get in there and find out what he’s doing. I 

[00:25:07] Zach White: appreciate that. In, in the spirit of this, I’ve seen you break through barrier after barrier, after barrier in your business and in your life. And wondering if you’d be willing to share, like, what is big goal or the big challenge or big barrier that you’re facing these days and how are you approaching.

[00:25:28] Leslie Thornton: Yeah, definitely the relationship aspect for myself. I know that I want to be with a certain type of man in my life and the husband, and have that forever building that marriage together and like being so excited about that. And also I change a lot like being somebody who is, you know, enamored with, you know, the fact that we can have anything that we want and change at any time and all of this kind of stuff.

[00:25:53] So a partner that also is aware of that and is also on their growth path and is willing to do. Ride the waves with me, like, you know, no matter what and build it through communication, like, and ultimately it’s always working on our relationship with ourselves. So to fall madly in love with me, continue working on my inner blocks that are there letting go of the attachment to I even need that.

[00:26:15] Right. And then being able to just pull up she’ll fully trust the process, the whole thing, but I really have, um, affirm knowing within myself, That is the dynamic that needs to change first, I guess. Um, and it’s just going to open up Pandora’s box. When I find the right mate for myself, I’ll, I’m just going to go way over the top and agree.

[00:26:38] Zach White: So, I mean, this is really interesting what you shared. I want to tease out what I heard, because I think it’s, it’s applicable to every problem and situation that our listeners might be facing. You have the air. That’s currently, not, not what you desire. It’s not there yet. And you specifically can articulate what you do, what from earlier in our conversation, but you also said, I know that the first thing is for me to continuously work on myself instead of seeking to change my external environment or go somehow fix the problems out there, the energy and the intention around continuous growth was in here.

[00:27:19] I love that. And I’m, I’m curious, you know, what is it about human nature or what would you say for someone who’s just trying to fix everything out there? Like, why do we need to turn that to the mirror and start on the inside 

[00:27:33] Leslie Thornton: present? So the term perception is projection. You know, it’s like if we actually track back all of our relationships that we’ve ever had, we’ll see common threads.

[00:27:43] We’ll see that partners have said the same thing to us at different points of the relationship. And it’s like, all of these are giving us indicators of what’s still yet to be healed within us. And when we’re not being aware or choosing to go towards that stuff within ourselves and healing that stuff, then we’re going to continue attracting that same thing.

[00:28:05] So it’s like, got it. We gotta be asking ourselves those questions. Yeah. What is it that has this same scenario, keep happening to me over and over again. Right. And it’s again, not just start that shame spiral of being like, it’s me. It’s my fault. Like, it’s not that hard on yourself, muscle. It’s just like a genuine curiosity of being.

[00:28:24] Hm. So I keep attracting guys who aren’t, you know, as successful or whatever as I am, and they need a lot of help. Like, what is that? And I realized for myself, like I get a payoff for being the savior and that relationship. And I also got present to, from doing the inner work of the fact that if I find somebody who I don’t need to have it be a project.

[00:28:48] Then, like, what’s the point of life? Like that’s boring. Like there was like this sadness of letting go of the project. And so for me, it’s like number one way to clear stuff is like, be aware of it. And then number two is like, like make a conscious decision or make a new decision about like, okay, I forgive myself for believing.

[00:29:07] Life will, be boring or like we’ll have no purpose or meaning for myself, if there isn’t any relationship project to handle the truth is that relationships aren’t about handling projects. Relationships are about loving and supporting each other as you’re on your path. Right? Like my work is about supporting people and changing their ways and creating a project.

[00:29:30] Let’s keep those separate. So then once that transformation happens, then I’m going to go out into the world. I’m going to be aware of when it’s like, oh, like here’s that little emotional attachment where I want to like date this person longer because I see how I could potentially help them. And it’s like, no, Leslie, that was your old pattern.

[00:29:48] Maybe they fall into the client category or we can refer them to Zack. Who is not a project, you know, and then stepping again into that new world. Another relationship awareness I had in relationships is everything in life. So there’s going to be tons of new learnings and we’ll keep getting better every time.

[00:30:06] But like how I felt like I wasn’t really emotionally given much from my father growing up. He’s a great guy, but he just wasn’t really that emotional. His dad wasn’t either, probably didn’t know how. And so what I found initially, this is in my early years of dating, was that I kept being attracted to guys who were completely emotionally unavailable.

[00:30:26] So there’s a book called the new rules of marriage by Terrence real. And he talks about how as adults, we are subconsciously trying to get from our partners, but we did not get from our parents. So since I didn’t get that cushy love for my dad, I’m going into relationships. I’m attracted to these certain men who aren’t emotionally available at all, because I’m subconscious of saying, dad, I’m going to be the one to show you that.

[00:30:56] You can love, you can open up, you can do this when in reality, you can’t really change people that much. Right. So it’s like, again, as soon as I became aware of that, it’s like, oh wow, okay. Like that’s not going to work. So then I left that and no longer am attracted to that at all. And started seeing only the people who were emotionally available.

[00:31:18] Zach White: I hope the engineer listening is, is still paying close attention to this because there’s so many nuggets around how this. Plays out in your career and your family and your neighborhood. And here’s something I see all the time. Someone will come into their career and they start being told, you need to work on personal development, leadership development for you.

[00:31:41] You know, you need to become a better leader. And then they get that first manager role and they have a team and all the energy shifts from focusing on my own growth and learning how to now lead others. Now you’ve graduated from leading yourself. Now to leading others. And we have a nice HR chart that talks about how we’ve moved into a different tier of the leadership model or, you know, all these things that are so corporate and what I love about the, and let me just say this.

[00:32:11] Leslie is one of the most humble leaders out there. She is just a rock star leader in every way, and I’ve seen it in action. But to hear you say, Look, every next level challenge I face whether it’s finding my perfect soulmate or absolutely crushing it in my business or being the exact coach that my client needs in this session.

[00:32:34] It always comes back first to learning how to lead within myself, for me to have that impact on the world. And what I see is clients stop doing that. They get some success and then the very thing that helped them get the success. They leave at the table. Do you see that same pattern or? 

[00:32:52] Leslie Thornton: Absolutely. So I think of even it’s the same as, you know, with a diet, it’s like, okay, the leadership blueprint of like how to be a good leader, like it’s helpful, right?

[00:33:01] Like we need to know those skills and those traits, but like what happens when, you know, Uh, death happens in the family. And you’re now experiencing all these emotions or when a coworker or someone that is working underneath you gets mad at you and is gossiping about you or whatever comes up. Like where’s that in the blueprint of like dealing with all the stuff that goes on in a year, and it’s having that balance and having that awareness of.

[00:33:30] Part of leadership means you have to lead yourself first, always right. To, especially these days, as people are transitioning into conscious leadership, like I have a feeling like it’s going to be very low tolerance very soon for there to be anything but conscious leadership because humanity is now getting so like open to the fact that we’re all human beings and not robots and all this type of stuff, but really 

[00:33:52] Zach White: quickly define what you mean.

[00:33:54] Conscious leadership in case the engineering leader listening doesn’t really know. Absolutely. 

[00:33:59] Leslie Thornton: So like just the awareness of growth mindset, you know, of like, okay, this is not personal. It’s like, I made this mistake. This is what happened. This is blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Like here’s what I’m going to put into place.

[00:34:09] And here’s what I’m going to do next. And it being like, great, thanks. Like you’re a human let’s keep going, you know, and versus. Yeah. Just like people bottling stuff up or, you know, what the hell were you thinking when you did that? Not that like, you know, every leader is going to have some flaws and they’re going to, you know, sometimes act out, but then conscious leadership would be going back and saying, Hey, look I overreacted before this is what happened.

[00:34:30] I was dealing with some other stressors at the time. I recognized that this X, Y, and Z happened. And I hear that you’re taking full ownership of that. Here’s what we’re going to do now. What’s your plan of action. Great. It’s all cleared up. Right? So versus things just getting weird because people don’t know how to communicate.

[00:34:48] They don’t know how to handle their emotions. And the other part is they don’t like human and this is the inner work I think all leadership teams should have. How to practice self compassion, how to forgive yourself, how to know that when your boss says what happened here and you’re triggered and you’re like, oh my God, because your six year olds from deep down into your subconscious is hearing dad saying you messed up and I hate you, right?

[00:35:14] Like, and now you’re having all these reactions, which is causing you to go to the bar later, which is causing you to have a fight with your wife later, which is causing you to be tired. Stay and hate your life. Like it’s all connected. When in reality, you could just do some, if you knew how to do this work, your life would just be great.

[00:35:33] It would 

[00:35:33] Zach White: feel much better cliche. Blunt as that sounds, there really is so much truth to even the engineer listening. I guarantee that interaction you just described, you know, to be able to come into a conflict in the office, clear the air quickly consciously, and absolutely. Uh, find, uh, a place of progress and momentum where we aren’t constantly dealing with the baggage of interpersonal relational issues in the office.

[00:36:02] Most of them have never experienced that. I mean, no concept for what that would be like. It’s so I’ll use the term political or so there’s so much ego at play. And so I just really encourage everybody listening what Leslie’s describing. It’s it’s not only. Possible, but it’s not as hard as it sounds. It just takes courage and understanding of what it means to show up as that conscious leader.

[00:36:26] So, absolutely. Thanks for showing us that Leslie man, I would love to go so much deeper into this, but I also want to respect your time and make sure we can land the plane. And maybe just to wrap up that topic really quickly in terms of leadership, I really do see you as an incredible leader. Leslie, what do you think?

[00:36:44] What are the keys to that for an individual? If they were going to say, Hey, what, what helps me accelerate development as a leader? How do you think about 

[00:36:54] Leslie Thornton: that? Yeah, definitely. Well, a lot of my training is with, you know, landmark. So if anybody wants to do the landmark forum, I highly recommend that. Um, just for conscious leadership training and to go all the way with it, because I can’t tell you how many people for engineers, every walk of life does that program.

[00:37:11] And because of that, kind of how to restore, integrity, how to like communicate how to whatever. They are getting massive promotions and massive things and whatever, whatever, just because like you’re saying it’s just foreign. It doesn’t happen there, but it’s not anybody’s fault, but it’s like that we’ll have you stand out from the crowd.

[00:37:27] So whatever leadership training, you know, resonates with you, that’s in alignment with this kind of thing. Um, get that. Um, I know that you probably have great, fantastic ways to support your clients with how to actually deal with all of the things and not just, you know, the leadership. Um, but yeah, get that support and, and, you know, look at what that is and have models of like, You know, what kind of leader do I want to be like, and then find out how w where did they get their training and go after that?

[00:37:52] Yeah. 

[00:37:53] Zach White: I love that. So simple. Don’t make it harder than it has to be go find what is working for others. Yeah, 

[00:38:00] Leslie Thornton: yeah, exactly. That’s the hypnosis, right? Know that you can, your neuropathways are capable of learning new ways, but you do have to put yourself into a container. To have that same mindset. So go get it, 

[00:38:15] Zach White: Leslie, to wrap things up, you know, I, I really do believe great engineering is like great coaching in the fact that the questions we ask matter because questions lead and answers follow, and we want to ask great questions in our life.

[00:38:31] And so for the engineer, listening to this conversation and they just want to be happy and fulfilled in this journey through. What is the best question you would leave them with today? 

[00:38:43] Leslie Thornton: Yeah. If you were to find out that you were going to pass away a year from now six months from now a week from now a day from now, like what would you be?

[00:38:57] So what would you be sad that you never made happen in Europe? Right. So whether that’s like having that ultimate marriage or that family or hitting, you know, eight figures or like, what is that thing that you would just be like, darn it. Like, I almost made it and it didn’t happen. And whatever that answer is for you.

[00:39:18] And even if your answer is like, I’d be good. It’s like, fantastic, good. Then keep going. And maybe you can add more service to the world too, but if there are things still hanging out, It is your job to get those things happening and to make it happen and do whatever it takes, because it’s really my firm belief that whatever our passions are like our deep down desires of like, this is something I’ve always wanted to have.

[00:39:41] That that is what makes the world work. When you are happier, the people around you are happy. People can start to follow their passions. And I really believe that when we’re all following our passions and really listening to what our inner voice is saying that we honestly want to do. Right. Engineer, brain.

[00:39:58] You’re going to say to yourself right now, like, no, really. I honestly just want and like maybe, but like maybe there’s a little bit like maybe check in with your body. Like, is that really what matters to you? Like, is there anything in the background. Are you still grieving the loss of a parent or like a grandparent or like haven’t gotten over like the fact that like like your friends, you know, let you go as a friend years ago, like those little things really get in the way, um, So listen to what it is that you really want to do and take action on that.

[00:40:31] And when we’re all following our passions, I think everybody came into this world with these unique gifts and families and whatever. And it’s like right now, more than ever, we need human beings that are doing what they care about. And I know for a fact that when human beings are in service, they’re happy.

[00:40:47] Right. So it’s your responsibility to take care of your personal stuff, like highly invest in your personal needs and self care and whatever, and you know, your job needs, whatever, so that you can faster get into the space of, I really care about the environment. I’m going to change that, right? Like use your $8 million to change the world, but don’t wait until then start contributing now.

[00:41:09] Um, yeah, just go after what you want. 

[00:41:11] Zach White: I love it. Go after what you want. Leslie, this is beautiful. Thank you so much for the time today. I know people are going to be curious too. Like how do I learn more about hypnosis for permanent weight loss, you know, meeting Leslie and all the amazing work you’re doing.

[00:41:25] So where would you point people to, if they want to connect with you after. 

[00:41:29] Leslie Thornton: Yeah, definitely. So the hypnosis for permanent weight loss podcast, um, will be the best way. And I’ve got all different topics on there. Obviously the initial episodes are all on that, but I branch out and talk more my stories and different things.

[00:41:40] So you can see what peaks your interest there. Um, and if you want to go just all the way in and you want to see my, uh, free weight loss training, for whatever reason, it’s you text the word hypnosis to 7 27 27, and you’ll get access to that free training. 

[00:41:54] Zach White: Amazing. I really cannot encourage you enough engineer to go out there and check Leslie’s workout.

[00:42:01] Whether you feel like weight loss is something you need or not is not even the point. Uh, these tools and this mindset around conscious leadership and, and Leslie is one of the great leaders out there and an amazing coach. So please go check that out. And Leslie, thanks again for making time to be with us.

[00:42:15] Thanks for 

[00:42:16] Leslie Thornton: everything you do, Zach. Thanks so much.